Monday, June 4, 2012

The "M" Word

Hey guys!

What's up?!  Hope y'all had a great weekend!  I have to work overnights over the weekend. So today Monday, I am starting my "weekend". 

So here is the next blog in a series of blogs I am doing!  Today's topic is the dreaded "M" word that a lot of guys are squeamish in discussing in front of each other----masturbation!

There is a saying when it comes to masturbation---"All guys do it".  Even though this is a true statement, none of us really wants to admit it!  We're afraid that people will make fun of us.  We're afraid that people will think we're preverts or sex maniacs!  So we keep this dirty little secret to ourselves. 

Having to keep this secret can be difficult, especially for us Christians.  What generally happens is Satan will have a field day with our minds.   Why?  When we start out going through puberty, we in general don't know a whole lot about things nor what to expect (depending on how much our fathers or those of us without fathers (uncles or male figures) have told us about this process.).  Plus, we don't know what the Bible says about these issues!  The major thing that Satan will do is make us feel guilty and ashamed of ourselves.  (Even non-believers can feel shame as well). 

So this begs the question....Is masturbation a sin?  Within the Christian community, this is a controversial topic, because people tend to feel both ways about it...some thinks it's a sin. Some don't.  But what is the real answer?

What does the Bible say about it?  Surprisingly, the Bible doesn't say anything about the topic of masturbation.  Even my pastor at the church I go says the same thing.   In general, the Bible does say other things about lust.  Matthew 5:28 (NKJV) says:
28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Ephesians 5:3 states that we should have fornication found among us Christians. Fornication is sex before marriage which is sinful. 

Even though the Bible says lust is sinful and that we shouldn't have sex before marriage, it does not mention anything about masturbation.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate...

When I was 12 years old, I started to masturbate.  Boy howdy!  Once I started, I didn't want to stop!  It was so much fun!  I did it pretty much everyday! After a little while, without me knowing at first, my uncle had caught me doing it!  Apparently he had looked in on me as I was "grinding" on my bed!   Guess what happened?!  They took me to counseling!!!  Really?!  But they did.  I was counseled by a lady.  During the session, they asked her if it was "normal" for me to do masturbate?  The lady said "No".  Of course, I felt so guilty and ashamed.  I felt like I was the only one who was going through this.  At the time, I was a Christian (and of course I still am!).  I had become a Christian 2 years earlier. However, I didn't feel like I could confide in anyone at the church.  I was afraid how they may feel about it.  So I kept it to myself. 

Thus started a cycle of guilt and shame that would last years!!!! 

What would end up happening in th etypical cycle is I would maturbate, enjoy myself, and then after the deed was done, I would feel guilty.  Then I would ask God for forgiveness.  Even after forgiveness, i would still beat up on myself. 

Despite me feeling guilty, I simply could not stop myself from masturbating!  I tried..don't get me wrong! :) But I found ou tsoon enough, the harder I tried to not masturbate, the MORE I would think about masturbating. I would do this until I couldn't think of nothing else.  The urge to masturbate would get so bad and stressful, I just had to give in!  When I gave in, sure, I would feel relief!  But then, the guilt and shame would start again!

Who brought this guilt and shame?  Years later after I had moved to Minnesota as an adult (who still masturbated), I found out in church that God does not bring guilt and shame! He never does!  Satan brings us guilt and shame! Satan's  goal for us Christians is to kill, steal and destroy us.  He can't touch our souls (because once you are saved you are always saved).   But he can kill the quality of our Christian lives.  He can kill the quality of our witness.  He can make us ineffective as ministers.  He can make us lose focus on Christ.  If we concentrate and focus on how guilty we feel , then that takes away time we could be ministering to other people or praying to God and giving praise to God.  If Satan can get us to feel guilty and ashamed, he may even convince us to give up on serving on God. 

According to James Dobson in his book Raising Up Boys, he stated that a lot of guys will give up on serving God, because of the shame and guilt they feel over masturbating.  Satan has them convinced that they can't serve God and masturbate.  This is such a tragedy. 

The truth is, according to James Dobson, is that masturbation does not affect our relationship with God!  We don't have to be guilty nor ashamed when we come to God.  James Dobson says as believers we have the Holy Spirit inside us.  That's good news for us!  Because if we do something that is sinful, He will convict us--in His small still voice.  (He won't condemn us nor bring us guilt nor shame).  So if we fill convicted after we masturbated, then allw e have to do is to confess and repent of it to God and ask forgiveness, and He will!  Remember, God's mercies are new every morning!

So this begs the it possible to masturbate without being convicted?  Yes! First, masturbation, in and of itself, is not sinful.  In fact, it can be a great stress reliever!  What can cause the Holy Spirit to convict us of it?  It is dependent on what we are th inking of at the time. If we are thinking lustful thoughts of someone else or having a sex dream or we're looking at porn, etc...then we will be convicted of it.  It isn't the masturbating that is the is the thoughts that we were thinking that is sinful. 

Now, we can masturbate without thinking sexual or lustful thoughts.  WE can simply jack ourselves off or grind on the bed without thinking about anything.  And since most of us guys are sensitive in our penuses ,esp during this time, we can masturbate without guilt. So in this case, it is not sinful.

Another point...I think we sometimes can take ourselves too seriously.  Sometimes we should just laugh it off...even though some situations may be embarassing at the time!

So what is the moral of this article ?

First, masturbation is not sinful if you are not thinking of anything lustful or sinful at the time you are doing it.  Second, the Holy Spirit will NEVER condemn nor give you guilt at all! Only satan does! If ever you masturbate and you feel the Holy Spirit convicting you, all you have to do is to confess and repent adn God for forgiveness, and He will forgive you!  Third, don't beat yourself up over masturbating!  You are only human made of dust. God knows that.  Fourth, masturbating will not affect your relationship with God.   Fifth, don't take yourself too seriously!  If you have a potentially embarassing situation, like I could've have, then try to laugh about it!  Try to find humor in your mistakes and failures.

Thanks for reading!  I hope and pray that God will use this article to be a blessing and to minster to you!  If you have any questions or need prayer, feel free to e-mail me at: .  Remember, I won't ever judge nor condemn you ever! 

God bless you!!!!!


  1. Thank you for this post :) I'll link it to my blog so people can stop hating on me for my mistake lol! and thank you for sharing your story! I really enjoyed reading about your adventure and I like how you put humor in it! you and my dad have the same unique sense of humor, no wonder you guys hit it off! lol

    I have some embarrassing stories about this subject too! It's pretty much the ones I told you in our email, except I didn't give too much detail because I didn't want to seem like a weird person ;)

    Hope you have a blessed "3 day weekend"! Thank you again!


  2. That was unlike any post I can recall reading. But my concern would be how can one masturbate without having lustful thoughts? Maybe when I was younger I might have done this but I don't remember it being just a matter of a physical process. There has always been thought involved and that thinking would probably be considered to be lustful.

    You may be interested in reading my most recent post at
    A Faraway View