Monday, June 4, 2012

The "M" Word

Hey guys!

What's up?!  Hope y'all had a great weekend!  I have to work overnights over the weekend. So today Monday, I am starting my "weekend". 

So here is the next blog in a series of blogs I am doing!  Today's topic is the dreaded "M" word that a lot of guys are squeamish in discussing in front of each other----masturbation!

There is a saying when it comes to masturbation---"All guys do it".  Even though this is a true statement, none of us really wants to admit it!  We're afraid that people will make fun of us.  We're afraid that people will think we're preverts or sex maniacs!  So we keep this dirty little secret to ourselves. 

Having to keep this secret can be difficult, especially for us Christians.  What generally happens is Satan will have a field day with our minds.   Why?  When we start out going through puberty, we in general don't know a whole lot about things nor what to expect (depending on how much our fathers or those of us without fathers (uncles or male figures) have told us about this process.).  Plus, we don't know what the Bible says about these issues!  The major thing that Satan will do is make us feel guilty and ashamed of ourselves.  (Even non-believers can feel shame as well). 

So this begs the question....Is masturbation a sin?  Within the Christian community, this is a controversial topic, because people tend to feel both ways about it...some thinks it's a sin. Some don't.  But what is the real answer?

What does the Bible say about it?  Surprisingly, the Bible doesn't say anything about the topic of masturbation.  Even my pastor at the church I go says the same thing.   In general, the Bible does say other things about lust.  Matthew 5:28 (NKJV) says:
28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Ephesians 5:3 states that we should have fornication found among us Christians. Fornication is sex before marriage which is sinful. 

Even though the Bible says lust is sinful and that we shouldn't have sex before marriage, it does not mention anything about masturbation.

Let me tell you a story to illustrate...

When I was 12 years old, I started to masturbate.  Boy howdy!  Once I started, I didn't want to stop!  It was so much fun!  I did it pretty much everyday! After a little while, without me knowing at first, my uncle had caught me doing it!  Apparently he had looked in on me as I was "grinding" on my bed!   Guess what happened?!  They took me to counseling!!!  Really?!  But they did.  I was counseled by a lady.  During the session, they asked her if it was "normal" for me to do masturbate?  The lady said "No".  Of course, I felt so guilty and ashamed.  I felt like I was the only one who was going through this.  At the time, I was a Christian (and of course I still am!).  I had become a Christian 2 years earlier. However, I didn't feel like I could confide in anyone at the church.  I was afraid how they may feel about it.  So I kept it to myself. 

Thus started a cycle of guilt and shame that would last years!!!! 

What would end up happening in th etypical cycle is I would maturbate, enjoy myself, and then after the deed was done, I would feel guilty.  Then I would ask God for forgiveness.  Even after forgiveness, i would still beat up on myself. 

Despite me feeling guilty, I simply could not stop myself from masturbating!  I tried..don't get me wrong! :) But I found ou tsoon enough, the harder I tried to not masturbate, the MORE I would think about masturbating. I would do this until I couldn't think of nothing else.  The urge to masturbate would get so bad and stressful, I just had to give in!  When I gave in, sure, I would feel relief!  But then, the guilt and shame would start again!

Who brought this guilt and shame?  Years later after I had moved to Minnesota as an adult (who still masturbated), I found out in church that God does not bring guilt and shame! He never does!  Satan brings us guilt and shame! Satan's  goal for us Christians is to kill, steal and destroy us.  He can't touch our souls (because once you are saved you are always saved).   But he can kill the quality of our Christian lives.  He can kill the quality of our witness.  He can make us ineffective as ministers.  He can make us lose focus on Christ.  If we concentrate and focus on how guilty we feel , then that takes away time we could be ministering to other people or praying to God and giving praise to God.  If Satan can get us to feel guilty and ashamed, he may even convince us to give up on serving on God. 

According to James Dobson in his book Raising Up Boys, he stated that a lot of guys will give up on serving God, because of the shame and guilt they feel over masturbating.  Satan has them convinced that they can't serve God and masturbate.  This is such a tragedy. 

The truth is, according to James Dobson, is that masturbation does not affect our relationship with God!  We don't have to be guilty nor ashamed when we come to God.  James Dobson says as believers we have the Holy Spirit inside us.  That's good news for us!  Because if we do something that is sinful, He will convict us--in His small still voice.  (He won't condemn us nor bring us guilt nor shame).  So if we fill convicted after we masturbated, then allw e have to do is to confess and repent of it to God and ask forgiveness, and He will!  Remember, God's mercies are new every morning!

So this begs the it possible to masturbate without being convicted?  Yes! First, masturbation, in and of itself, is not sinful.  In fact, it can be a great stress reliever!  What can cause the Holy Spirit to convict us of it?  It is dependent on what we are th inking of at the time. If we are thinking lustful thoughts of someone else or having a sex dream or we're looking at porn, etc...then we will be convicted of it.  It isn't the masturbating that is the is the thoughts that we were thinking that is sinful. 

Now, we can masturbate without thinking sexual or lustful thoughts.  WE can simply jack ourselves off or grind on the bed without thinking about anything.  And since most of us guys are sensitive in our penuses ,esp during this time, we can masturbate without guilt. So in this case, it is not sinful.

Another point...I think we sometimes can take ourselves too seriously.  Sometimes we should just laugh it off...even though some situations may be embarassing at the time!

So what is the moral of this article ?

First, masturbation is not sinful if you are not thinking of anything lustful or sinful at the time you are doing it.  Second, the Holy Spirit will NEVER condemn nor give you guilt at all! Only satan does! If ever you masturbate and you feel the Holy Spirit convicting you, all you have to do is to confess and repent adn God for forgiveness, and He will forgive you!  Third, don't beat yourself up over masturbating!  You are only human made of dust. God knows that.  Fourth, masturbating will not affect your relationship with God.   Fifth, don't take yourself too seriously!  If you have a potentially embarassing situation, like I could've have, then try to laugh about it!  Try to find humor in your mistakes and failures.

Thanks for reading!  I hope and pray that God will use this article to be a blessing and to minster to you!  If you have any questions or need prayer, feel free to e-mail me at: .  Remember, I won't ever judge nor condemn you ever! 

God bless you!!!!!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

A Solid Foundation

What's up, guys?  Hope all is going well in your world!  I want to go ahead and post the first official blog.  I pray that God will use this to be a blessing to you!  If you have any suggestions or questions, just e-mail me at: .

Between the ages of 11-12, guys can start entering the most stressful and chaotic stage of their development called "puberty".   During this stage,  changes start to occur in the body and in the mind.  Most of the changes that occur in the mind is directly caused by what happens in our bodies.  So what exactly happens during this time?  Hormones, especially testosterone, starts surging through our veins.  These hormones can cause our voices to deepen (sometimes it will squeak before it deepens) and our bodies to grow hair everywhere.  We start to notice that our penus isn't just for peeing! (What fun!).   We start noticing girls more.  Then besides all that, we have to deal with peer pressure to fit in with other guys.  Whether that be cursing, taking drugs, becoming a bully, drinking, looking at porn, etc....

So how does a guy deal with all these changes?

The best thing a guy can do to deal with these changes is by keeping his feet rooted into a firm foundation.  How does a guy do that?

First and foremost, the guy should accept Christ as his Lord and Savior.  Second, after accepting Christ as Lord and Savior, the guy should start reading the Bible to start building on that foundation.  Having your feet planted in the foundation of Christ and your mind on the words of Christ will help you to swim through these chaotic waters.

Matthew 7:24-27 (NIV) tells of the importance of having Christ as your foundation:  

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Having Christ as your foundation will help you to cope well with the changes that are going on in your body.  It will also help you defend yourself against the attacks of your mind that Satan your enemy can throw at you.  Having Christ as your foundation will give you comfort when other students make fun of you for standing up for your beliefs.  When you have your feet planted firmly in Christ, no matter who or what attacks you, you will not be defeated. 

However, if you do NOT have you feet planted in Christ and your focus is NOT in Christ, then when the attacks come, you will be like the house that fell with a "great crash".  Without Christ, you will fall for anything.  You will not be able to defend yourself against peer pressure. You will stress out and might even become suicidal over the changes that are occuring in your life. When someone offers you drugs or alcohol or porn, you won't be able to say "No".  Then soon, you may find yourself addicted to all kinds of things. Before you know it, you find that your life is out-of-control.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!  I am going to do a series of blogs on most of the topics that teenage guys deal with during puberty.  But none of that advice will work or do you any good, if you don't have Christ in your life!  You can either pay for an ounce of prevention now to prevent the sin sickness later on or you can purchase a pound of cure later...It's your choice.

Have you started to build your foundation with Christ?  If not, what are you waiting for?  Accept Him as your Lord and Savior today!